There is a woman named Bliss. She is very hard to get and kind of conservative especially when it comes to committing a relationship. She is not perfectionist though. However, she wants a serious guy for her life.
When she was in her freshmen years in college, she met some bffs. One of her bffs had a crush to someone named John. He was an Engineering student and at that time their building was close to their department. So, whenever those Engineering students go to the restroom, they could really see them.
Younger years are full of memories wherein they were young, free, childish, and most of all they do not usually care about their feelings if it’s real or not.
Bliss friend named Anne really admired of John and for her to get his attention, she always told John that Bliss had a crush on him. John probably thought it was Bliss who had feelings for him at that moment.
It was year 2006 when Bliss was already in 2nd year and John was almost graduating or maybe on his 4th year. She went to a Bowling Center for her PE activity. Then, she saw him but of course she didn’t mind, as if she didn’t notice him.
She was uneasy because it seemed that he’s watching her. She couldn’t even hit the bowling ball. She was focusing on hitting hit. To her surprise, he approached Bliss but she wonder how did he arrive there? In fact, he did not have any PE classes anymore. Then he asked me something,
“Your PE instructor is Ms. Pretty? She’s my sister.”
Bliss was shocked and answered “Nope. She’s not my instructor.”
She didn’t understand her feelings. All she remembered was her fast heartbeat and she couldn’t describe the feeling. Finally, John pushed the ball because Bliss lost herself and was still in shock. Suddenly, he formally gave his hand and said “John” and Bliss also introduced her name.
It is very common for college students to stay on the stairs especially when there’s no class. They met on their free time and he suddenly said, “Can I have your number?”
He was so proud and feeling like the most handsome student in the campus. Well, John is really handsome but he’s quite childish and does not care what comes out from his mouth.
Bliss answered, “I won’t give it because I don’t have any number to give.”
To Bliss mind, she hated herself so much for being so conservative. She liked him but he was very childish even though he’s older than her, or maybe that’s how he approached women at that time.
Months passed, her feelings for him grew but she knew there’s no chance for both of them. Actually, Bliss was on her denial stage when her friend Anne who had a crush on him asked her about John. Anne didn’t have hurt feelings that they became friends in the Bowling Center. Actually, Anne had a lot of crushes way back then.
On the same year, somebody courted Bliss who happened to be her friend because the guy always go with them, joining conversation and even took her home. That’s the guy’s way of courting her. There was no words. Instead, he was full of actions.
So, they became friends. They always exchanged messages through phone because Facebook was not famous way back then. It was Friendster that common but also almost faced out in since a lot of SNS were trending.
As for John, Bliss missed him especially when she couldn’t see his handsome face. She realized it was really a great admiration, but he was busy maybe doing his OJT.
In September on the same year, Bliss said “YES” to his guy friend who courted her. It was a bit awkward for the courtship was done through text. So, their relationship was not that serious and just like others who had their teenage relationship.
Suddenly, the new lovers were chatting at the canteen with their bffs, and on the other side of the table was John with his classmates. Then, he asked, “Are you now together/lovers?”
He was really a kid! Bliss and her friends didn’t know why he asked that way. Her bf then walked out because he got jealous of him.
Surprisingly, her bf told her that they were cousins. When she asked how come, he said they met in a family reunion and that’s the beginning of disliking each other. The bf’s name is Brad. Brad didn’t want to be close with John. Maybe, there were insecurities but Bliss told and assured him that she didn’t like John. It was her friend Anne who liked him. Bliss was unsure of her feelings. She was young and innocent about relationship.
Bliss didn’t have the chance to see John after he graduated. Also, he wasn’t sure if he’s gone in her mind because there were times that she could think of him. She graduated in 2009 and had her first job right after graduation somewhere. When facebook became famous on that year, she tried to search John in Facebook even though she already had a boyfriend. Bliss and Brad were still together then. There’s no reason of adding him, but she was just curious of knowing and what’s his life going on right now. In short, she wants some updates about him.
And so, they became friends in facebook but not that close to exchange messages.
On December 6, 2010, Bliss went to a mall to buy her first laptop. She was with her friend Mae who helped her search her choice. They were just looking around because they’re not experts when it comes to IT thing and specs of a gadget. All of a sudden, she saw John but in a different shop. She didn’t know if she would smile at him or say ‘HI.’
She was looking at something as if she didn’t notice him.
She hated that feeling again when her heart beats too fast! It was very unexplainable. He was with somebody at that time. She didn’t know if the woman was his gf. Actually, it was so difficult to get some updates about him since he was not really into updating his status in Facebook. She thought she had forgotten that handsome face and strange feeling. The feeling was still there!
January of 2011, Brad bf attended their family reunion and he met John. He told Bliss that John asked him, “Are you still together with Bliss?”, and Brad just answered politely, “Yes.”
He told her about that conversation when they met and Brad teased her, keep on teasing her. It was not a good joke. There’s something in it.
Bliss’s relationship with him is not perfect just like others. Though they have been together for almost a decade now, they have gone through a lot of ups and downs. He cheated on her when they were in college, but she forgave him because she loved and cared for him more than herself despite the fights they have in public where a lot of people can see and witness how they raise their voices.
In February 2011, they had a fight and didn’t have good communication even in phone. It was also the same year that Bliss quit her first job for almost two years of working because she wanted to change her career. She was in her colleague’s house and checking Facebook. Unknowingly, she messaged “hi” to John. She had no intention but just to say ‘hi.’
Then it all started, she felt like a college student again. They exchanged messages and personal digits. They also met twice in March ang June on the same year. She was stupid and did a mistake. He had a gf and she also had hers. She didn’t know what’s going on.
She could still remember in 2012 in her new workplace that she copied and saved his pictures in her pc. She tried to hide his pictures, but Brad saw it when he borrowed it while searching jobs online. That was so silly! She was just thankful that the issue was solved.
Right there and then, Bliss got a lot of sleepless nights. It’s not because of him. Whatever the reason, she can’t really tell. Until now she and Brad have this unhealthy relationship and they don’t know when are they going to settle down because she is not really sure of herself. On the other hand, John and Bliss sometimes meet, but a sad new came to her that he’s getting married next year. It’s confusing because when Bliss asks him when, he always tells her that he’s not ready.
She doesn’t know why the world do this to her. Seeing him, hurting herself, and hoping for a chance. A chance that he also feels the same way. She knows it’s impossible. She knows he loves and respects his gf so much. But, she’s wondering why he does not post any photo of his gf. Are they hiding their relationship in public? What for? She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t want to hope because he is taken and they’ve been together since 2011, the exact year they started exchanging messages in facebook and phone.
OMG! She was also in a relationship for almost 10years now but still no plan to get married. ‘I AM NOT READY! My goodness, my mind is having second thoughts right now.” That’s what she always say to her confused mind.
She doesn’t want to expect about John because what they have is only friendship. Whenever they meet, they just plainly talk about business. She hates it! She really likes this man since 2005! She really hates this feeling. She knows his feelings is just like a sister or friend towards her. She doesn’t believe in fate because it’s the person who did and choose his own fate.
‘What should I do?’
‘We sometimes go out for no reason, eat lunch sometimes but it only ends to friendship.’
‘I want him to be my husband’
She always utters those words on her mind, talking to herself like a fool! She can really make sure to have a good future with him which is very opposite of Chad. They are getting older without future plans ahead. They always rely on come what may and what will happen in the future.
Maybe some of you might judge her for hoping about John, but she can’t please everyone. FYI, she’s a busy person; working from Mondays-Fridays and doing extra businesses on weekends. She believes doing such would be a great help to divert her attention to something else. However, it makes her confused again and again to think if forever will really happen.
For Bliss, it’s really true that ‘your ideal person can never be yours.’ She just hopes and prays that everything will be alright between her and John. She wants to have peace of mind everyday and every night.
P.S., she doesn’t know what and how to call this feeling since 2005 if it’s love or brotherly friendship towards him.
Maybe if she gave her number to him, there was a chance of becoming a couple, and maybe if he’s her bf, maybe they are already married she found the right one.
Bliss always takes good care of things most especially when it comes to relationship. She is the serious type. She doesn’t like shorter ones.
On the other hand, her unhealthy relationship right now with my Brad makes her uninterested to go on because it seems that there’s no way of moving forward. It makes her sick honestly.
To those who are in a long term relationship, see to it that you really want to pursue it and make it last because it’s really difficult to go out especially if you’ve invested a lot. Make sure to let go if you can’t make it anymore. Don’t wait nga unhealthy na kaayo and maglisud nka ug gawas kay maikog kas tuig ninyong duha. Remember, what matters most is the feeling you have. If you’re sure or if both of you are sure enough, then go, settle down.
Thank you guys for reading Bliss’s confusing story.